(Some thoughts and realizations that ran through my mind this week after my own personal struggles and watching the struggles of others. Hope it helps)
To my girls:
“A pretty face? A pretty smile? – You must run into a lot of trouble with guys.”
People’s assumptions never cease to amaze me. The answer is quite simple: no, I don’t. I don’t because I make a conscious effort to be open, honest; to reveal the heart and soul hidden behind the face. Doesn’t sound like a bad thing does it? Well, apparently it’s quite intimidating. Being real scares people. Honesty scares people.
Being real works like a showcase of firearms. Oh, guys don’t mind hanging around when you’re modeling evening gowns and prom dresses; but display the dangers of your soul – high standards, daunting expectations, self-confidence, and independence – and most of them slink off. The after-effects? Girls quickly place their hearts under lock and key, exchanging honesty for a less intimidating presentation. We leave our true desires to rust in the darkness of self-condemnation and bring forth an ideal influenced by the desires of others – the expectations of men. Instead of fearlessly embracing honesty and watching (perhaps with a little amusement) as boys sneak away, we water-down our passions and try not to scare them off. We change who we appear to be in order to please the presumptions of society. In essence: we no longer stand by our guns.
Since when are women responsible for making themselves accessible and easy; since when do men have the luxury of shedding off their duty of being a courageous knight in shining armor? Think about it. Your heart, your passions, standards, expectations, and confidence were instilled in you by a God who admired such qualities. What right do you have to hide these things away and exchange them for things you are not? Flirtatious, manipulative, co-dependent, shallow, false, deceptive, flippant, bitter, and resentful are examples of what God did NOT create in you. “Oh, I’m just naturally flirty.” Bull. “But I NEED people – I live for people.” Bull again. “I play games because I’ve been hurt too many times to be real.” Oh, really? You were made fearfully (with respect, admiration, and honor) and wonderfully (with goodness, wholeness, and strength), created for God and God alone (Psalm 139:14). God is your ultimate standard – not men, not people. Honesty is the requirement – not social expectations.
So, why do we make ourselves responsible for the way men respond to our honesty? Because we desire male approval. We condemn ourselves as worthless when our firearm showcase scares off a guy or two. It hurts when our realness frightens instead of attracts. And we are disappointed because we have set our hearts on the whims of boys instead of pursuing the adventure God has placed before us. My heart breaks when a girl does not understand how much she is worth: God loves her, wants to rescue her; He died for her. Why? Because He saw the beautiful woman He created her to be – fearlessly honesty, with high standards, daunting expectations, and a desire to be pure – and He loved it. All of it. And yet we girls forget this and exchange His love for the pursuit of human approval. We submit our hearts to the inspection of men who do not understand us, instead of offering our hearts to the God who created them. What other result can there be besides misunderstanding and heartache?
I’m not saying that you should never fall in love. And I’m not saying that you should hide yourself away from the male population. What I am saying is this: be the girl God created you to be without the search for human approval. Be fearless in your dreams, desires, and passions. Hold your expectations high and your standards even higher. Be honest. Be real. Pursue integrity. Hold fast to purity. Trust me…the right man won’t be intimidated. And the rest of them who run away aren’t worth the trouble of pretending.
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